Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
