we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
