Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
