i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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