mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
