OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize