I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
