and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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