somebody snuck up and got me drunk
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
