Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
