Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
