just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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