yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize