She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
