When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
