i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
