mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
