You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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