The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
