I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
