i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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