Me. At least after what I've been through.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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