yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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