The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
