I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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