sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
