I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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