when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
