She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
