He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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