when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
