then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
