: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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