I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
