So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
