If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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