Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
