just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
