Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize