I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
