question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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