Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
