Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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