you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you win again, gameday.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
BRING THE BAGELS
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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