is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
