Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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