dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize