glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
