I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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