so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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