remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
This is classic penis vs brain.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
