I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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