I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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