A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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