I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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