I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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