I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
