I think I died a long time ago.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
