I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
