If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
