Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
