Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
