Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
