Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize