somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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