he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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