I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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