i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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