I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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