I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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