Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
