I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
