Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
